DEATH BY SNU-SNU?
Temecula, CA – As you drive around T-town with its winding streets, soft breezes, and a church on every corner, it is easier to imagine an ice cream social in the park than it is a packed-out Jeffree Star show happening in town. In a place too timid to advertise the critically acclaimed play The Vagina Monologues because of the ‘vag’ word, you wouldn’t think that there might be a few folks in the valley looking for something out of the ordinary when it comes to sexual adventures. Well, there are.
Deep within enough people around the valley is a sense of curiosity which hinges on the interplay aroused from domination and submission, not necessarily the traditional male/female roles, coupled with the desire to inflict/receive pain sexually. As I pin these words, furniture is being hand-built to start and maintain an underground sex scene devoted to BDSM devotees. What this scene entails, after the jump.
BDSM, stands for Bondage & Discipline (B&D), Dominance and Submission (D&S), and Sadomasochism (SM). SM can also be called Kink, Leather Sex, Fetish, Leather, and SM/Leather/Fetish. The way that someone identifies is very individual and not everyone chooses the same term to self-identify their interests.
SM can include but is not limited to: handcuffs/tying a person’s hands during sex, erotic spanking, role-playing, wearing a blindfold/ball gag during sex, being flogged, cross-dressing, wearing leather or latex, or exploring painful stimuli (anal sex, toys) and the resulting endorphins. SM can be sensual, erotic, sexual or completely non-sexual. No one person enjoys every behavior which means this is a highly marginalized niche market. Highly complex are the roles of SM, as a viewing of the bondage scene/results show in the movie comedy Wedding Crashers. Traditional nudity in the BDSM scene is a faux pas.
For many, SM is a type of erotic theater where fantasies can be acted out in safety. Some SM folk enjoy enacting fantasies in which one person is powerful (perhaps a Master, Top, or abductor) and one is “powerless” (perhaps a slave, bottom, or captive). Although outwardly it may look as though the Bottom gives up control to the Top and is “powerless”, the Bottom actually maintains control by setting limits, negotiating, and by using a safeword that stops all action.
According to the Kinsey Institute New Report on Sex conducted in 1990,
“Researchers estimate that 5-10% of the U.S. population engages in sadomasochism for sexual pleasure on at least an occasional basis, with most incidents being either mild or stage activities involving no real pain or violence.”
Interest in SM crosses race, ethnicity, ability, socioeconomic status, educational level, sexual orientation, and gender identity.
Some Important Definitions:
Scene - Describes the negotiated interaction that takes place between two or more consenting individuals. This is very much like a scripted role-play.
Play - The specific action that occurs during a negotiated scene.
Safeword - A word or phrase that is agreed upon prior to the beginning of the scene. In instances where a person is temporarily unable to speak, a hand signal may be used. When this word is uttered or this signal is given, all play is stopped immediately. It is very much like saying “time-out”.
Negotiation - Communication between SM participants that occurs prior to a scene in which participants discuss their interests, set limits, and communicate the safeword to be used.
Limits - The boundaries that are discussed and set during the negotiation. These limits are set in order to make sure that the scene is pleasurable for all involved.
Top/Dominant - The person responsible for orchestrating the interaction. This is the person who administers the negotiated stimuli and sets the mood of the scene.
Bottom/Submissive - The person who receives the stimuli that is administered by the Top. Although outwardly it may look as though the Bottom gives up control to the Top they actually maintain control by setting limits and by using a safeword that can stop all play.
Over 20 years ago, the SM/Leather/Fetish Community established a community-wide ethic known as “Safe, Sane and Consensual”.
1. “Safe” is being knowledgeable about the techniques and safety concerns involved in what you are doing.
2. “Sane” is knowing the difference between fantasy and reality.
3. “Consensual” is respecting the limits imposed by each participant. One of the most easily recognized ways to maintain limits is through use of a “safeword” — whereby participants can withdraw consent at any time with a single word or gesture.
More as this story develops. All models are illustrations only and not associated with the people working to promote this expression of inner release. The previous use of the term 'sex club' was in error and misleading.