Sunday, September 27, 2015

CHARLEY THE TUNA GETS REVENGE

STARKIST ON THE HOOK

Temecula, CA – For lo these many years we have been told countless times in commercial after commercial by the nation's leading canned tuna company, StarKist, that no matter what he did, Charley, like so many blacks that weren't tuna, just wasn't good enough.

Charley could go to school, drive a better car, buy a better house, become a blond, get in shape, move to a new side of town, get a different wife, go to the right church even, but nothing was ever going to change Starkist from saying, “Sorry Charley, only the 'best' tuna.”

Now we know, like that infamous Vienna anthropological study that 'proved' black people were inferior to white people, it was all a lie. Charley was always good enough; he just weighed too much. Seems the fishy people over at StarKist were only packing the thinnest tuna and lying about the can weight.


Well Sports Fans, Charley went out and hired the firm of Fett & Fett, and they put their best man on the case. The national brand, of course, denied any wrongdoing much like Dick Cheney, but agreed to offer past consumers a choice of either $25 in cash [check] or $50 in cans of tuna through a national claim offer available until November 2015.

Given that StarKist tried to de-bone you once, I'd say take the money as you never know what tuna they are going to serve up since Fukushima is still dumping radioactive waste into the ocean off Japan.

For your tuna claim go here, but only if you actually did purchase their brand. And don't worry about StarKist losing money. This story was advertised as much as a utility rate increase hearing. Bon a petite, cha-ching.

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